They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
