in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your cock deserves a montage
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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