I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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