she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
