found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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