He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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