me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
