How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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