i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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