my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
