nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They are going to name an STD after you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
