My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
