Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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