i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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