Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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