Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Can Purell be used as lube?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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