oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
