I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We need to get me chipped asap
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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