GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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