I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
