just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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