): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
