I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
