she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
