Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
