i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
