Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
