Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you win again, gameday.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
