It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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