just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
