i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
