I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
