last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
