I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
