this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
