God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
