who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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