I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
