It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
