ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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