talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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