You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
