Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
