I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
