you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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