I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
