either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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