You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to calm my uterus...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
