How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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