Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm like, not good at living.
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