It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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