a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
