We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
