He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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