Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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