omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
please come you make the beer taste better
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
