Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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