everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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