my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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