They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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