My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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