We're like a lot better than the average bears
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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