Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
