I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
