When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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