I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize