a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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